CaFE Forum

[Jack London]

Whatever next?

http://www.civilliberty.org.uk/newsdetail.php?newsid=713

[Tony]

Nice publications!
I especially liked this extract...

Oxford Student Publications Limited, publishers of Cherwell, have faced allegations of “racism” over a leaked Cherwell bogsheet, Lecher. despite the largely inclusive nature of the magazine’s subject matter, in which “Jews,” “blacks,” “the Chinese,” “faggots” and “immigrants” were all mentioned, there were few to no references to indigenous Australian people, leading to accusations of ‘prejudice’ within the Cherwell editorial staff.
The incident, already nicknamed ‘Cherwell-racist-magazine-scandal-gate’, has provoked anger throughout Oxford’s Aboriginal communities. “It’s amazing that even today, Cherwell think it’s funny to treat us differently from every other race”, said Allambee Namatjira, of AB-Ox, Oxford’s second-largest Aboriginal society. “Somehow, native Australians still aren’t seen as worthy of jokes about having sex with monkeys, or getting shipped off to Guantanamo and shot.”
The Cherwell staff defended their stance. “We’re an equal opportunities organisation”, insisted one senior staffer. “I for one have always hated Aborigines. Some of my best friends hate Aborigines! Sure, there might be one or two loose cannons who’ll tolerate them - the old editors, say - and they’ll be dealt
with. But for the most part, we’re all perfectly willing to make references to their systematic execution, just like we would with anyone else who isn’t white and us.”
A statement from OSPL was released on friday. “This document was neither produced nor encouraged by OSPL”, it read. “Clearly, this was the work of a few bad apples, who simply managed to write, edit and design the magazine, print off scores of copies, and hand them all out to everyone at a meal that we were at and organised, without us noticing. We didn’t even know we’d asked for contibutions, received and read it until now.
“OSPL abhors racism in all its forms, particularly ones that make it to the national press.”
_________________
I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.

[Tony]

And this one as well is exceptionally good. It's no wonder that some of the best writers and comedians come out of Oxford and Cambridge..

ANIMAL LAB:“WE LITERALLY JUST ENJOY KILLING ANIMALS”
ACTIVISTS have condemned the oxford Animal Testing Lab’s promise to concentrate its clinical efforts exclusively on ‘cute baby animals’. A secret video by an undercover reporter shows Dr victor Tannin, the Lab’s new Clinical Director, surprisingly vindicating every animal rights activist ever in an announcement at a shareholders’ meeting.
Stroking his moustache villainously, Tannin promised a ‘baby duckling holocaust’ that ‘probably wouldn’t even be that
beneficial to biomedical science in the long run’. He then produced a tiny defenceless kitten, which he pledged to ‘basically pump full of weedkiller just because I fucking feel like it’.
The lab has resisted pressure to dismiss him. “We fully support Victor’s work; animals exist solely for our amusement and it’s not like they have souls anyway”, said the university in an official statement. “Anyway, no-one can stop us, because we’re oxford university, so we can do what the hell we like.”
The student reaction to the recording has been confused. “I always thought the activists were lying, or at
least exaggerating a little bit”, remarked one student. “But it seems everything they said was absolutely, entirely true.” Chris Edwards, head of the oxford branch of PETA, commented that Tannin’s remarks were ‘gratifying’, adding ‘I bloody told you’.
The revelations are the latest in a week of such surprises, the global Jewish Conspiracy having admitted to doing the 9/11 attacks “because of Zionism”, as widely predicted by the Internet.
_________________
I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.